It's a commonly held perception that there are 5 stages of grief. Extensive research has taught me that there are other things that come in stages.
The Five Stages of Procrastination
1. Denial - An important deadline? No worries, you've got plenty of time to deal with it. You don't need to start until tomorrow. Next week even.
2. Preparation - How can you be expected to start now? You're nowhere near ready. You should probably draw up a timetable to give yourself an idea of your time limits. And what if you get hungry? You should probably make a bacon sandwich. No bacon? I guess you'll have to go to the shops then.
3. Distraction - You're finally ready to start working. But look at all of the other things that need to be done. Few people are ever more productive than when they're in this stage, as your supposedly focused mind turns on your surroundings with the precision and finesse of a shotgun. Entire houses will be cleaned, you'll finally come up with that invention that'll make you a millionaire, and in extreme cases, you'll even end up writing Multiply entries. You will suddenly find that every other piece of work seems far more appealing than the important one. (On the other hand; if you ever manage to find and capture someone in this state, they can be very useful)
4. Despair - Recognised by the sinking feel you get when you realise that the number of hours remaining until the deadline will severely tax your word-per-minute skills. This stage can only be dealt with by finding someone who's done even less work than you (or of course, just doing the work, but if it were that simple, you probably wouldn't be at this point)
5. Successfully Doing your Work - I really hope that this is the fifth stage. I have less than two days to find out.
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